Either way, the pain never goes away completely.

Either way, the pain never goes away completely.

My Mother

Either way, the pain never goes away completely. Christmas without my parents or I can really say without my mom… she was the one who would get the FAMILY together at the dinner table, and once we were there it was a different story. I always feel some sort of sadness when a friend says something about their parents, I’m happy for them but there is always a little hurt. The only thing that I can do is to try and surround myself with other family members   and close friends, and do whatever I can to try and get through the holidays. After all, that is what my mom would want for me --to keep moving on in life and surround myself with love and my children.

The first Christmas without your parent is the hardest. My mother was in the hospital during the holidays she past away in January 28,1998. So my sister and I made the Christmas dinner 1997, will we tried too, I remember that I had bought a couple of bottles of wine and so while we were cooking we had one glass then another and another then we decided to leave the cooking and go to the hospital to visit our mom.. she was very ill at this time. So we stayed with her all night.  

No matter how many months your parents have been gone for, Christmas is never the same. It takes time to prepare myself for the Holidays. It takes me a couple of weeks to get in the mood starting with Thanksgiving to even think about Christmas. I get support from my husband he loves the Holidays especially Christmas he is the one who starts to get the boxes out of the garage and starts with the lights and then the Christmas TREE. I also tell him go ahead start I help you in a minute, but that minute will last a couple of days and he will more or less try his best so then I step in and finish the decorating.

I wish there was an instruction manual on how to get through your day without your parent.

The first Christmas without your parent will be the hardest, but for me it was the last Christmas I spent with her at the hospital. When you lose a parent you loose a little bit of your self. A new chapter of your life begins--- it is now just a past memory.

And for the ones who still have both parents this day, you should feel very blessed and thankful and appreciated. If one or both of your parents have passed on, you can still be appreciate the one who is alive, don’t take them for granted.

My daughter told  her brother to answer his phone whenever their dad calls, because some people do not have fathers like them that call just to say hi…Those phone calls will be a gift when they are gone no one can ever take those gifts away from you. They are priceless and they are your gifts forever.

I experience Christmas or any other Holiday differently now. I found doing my art is a distraction to the holidays and the losses that have occurred during the holidays.

I mourn my mother and sister deaths everyday.