Mi Mama—-Beatrice

My mom has always been a beautiful woman, and then I suddenly had to  face the death of her..I wonder what my journey would be without her ?

Mom’s dying was a new world for me, but I knew dying is only the beginning of our life  

Sharing my experience of all the deaths that have surrounded me has changed me  – in ways I could not have imagined. I don’t take life for granted, I live my life to the fullest, it makes me aware of the value of each day. Looking back over my mother life working at the family grocery store makes me realize how she made me a strong, independent woman.  And while my heart aches and my eyes get watery I thank my mom for all the  knowledge she gave me..

I have been writing about this since 1998.

Here I go again, nearly a 2 decade later, talking about my mom death.

Grief——-Would I ever just get over it?

 

My whole life sort of ended when my mom died.

No one has a choice to go thru grief, you just have to cry in the shower, in your pillow and Pray

My mom isn’t just someone who died. She is someone who lived. Just because my mom isn’t here physically anymore, doesn’t mean she should ever be forgotten about. Just because she isn’t sitting with me at the dinner table, doesn’t mean the stories have to stop. Just because she will never meet some of the peoplE that are now in my life, that doesn’t mean that they won’t get to know her. This day every year just plain sucks. It's a reminder of all of the pain I have been through and a confirmation of the reality that for the rest of my life, this day will mark another year that I have lived without my mom.

The day she dies you’ll start a new life. 

Your new life will be motherless. It will be different than before, in the most painful and heartbreaking way.

Grief is hard work

Grief is hard work. 

 I call my art  “Grief-work”. 

I started a several glass on glass  hearts today to deal with today. 

If you know me I’ve been thru a hard time and staying sane is difficult at times. Even years after a loss, and you hear that a close friend dies, there has been 5 people that I knew ( 3 were my close friends and 2 were husband and father-in-law of a friend). 

I  experience a strong sense of grief when I told about thier passing. My emotion come rolling in-like I’m on a roller coaster ride, full of ups and downs, highs and lows, it takes so much time to work through the grieving period. 

In my case I lost several family (10) members that I could not even go thru the stages of grief when  another pass away . 

 It requires more energy to work through than most people expect. It takes a toll on me physically and emotionally. Coping with the loss of someone is one of life’s biggest challenges. 

If you, a motherless daughter, are looking for ideas on how to celebrate your mom on Mother’s Day

 

And no matter how lonely those moments feel and how much we want to feel sorry for ourselves, we have to remember…we are the lucky ones, with angels watching over us and life lessons under our belt that have made us so incredibly unbreakable. 

This year, 2021, Mother’s Day looks very different from previous Mother’s Days. Many people won’t be able to spend time with their moms, take her out to dinner, spoil her with flowers and chocolate, because we are all quarantined during COVID-19. This is sad for families. The pandemic is posing real challenges to everyday life. People are scared, anxious, grieving and we are all feeling uncertain about the future. Nobody knows how long this new way of experiencing life will go on. Personally, I’m living moment to moment and day by day, focusing on positive things and trying not to worry too much while taking the necessary precautions. 

We need to  find time in the day, preferably morning to meditate for at least five minutes. Ideally about twenty minutes feels right for me, but do what you can. Light your favorite scented candle. Sit comfortably with your eyes closed and invite your mother into your space. Breathe. Hold her in your thoughts. Focus on the gratitude you feel for your mother and the gift of life that she gave you. Reflect on some memories you have of her. Let the tears flow if they come. Grief is love, remember.

Only by knowing all the elements necessary for the production of a certain work can you estimate the actual cost.

 

 A customer asked me how much it cost to make a big mosaic 

I answered him: $ 800 

He said: So expensive for this job?

I asked: How much do you think it would cost you?

He answers me: $ 300  maximum... That's a pretty simple job right? !"

- For $ 300  I invite you to do it yourself.

- But.... I don't know how to.

- For $300  I'll teach you how to. So besides saving you $500 , you'll get the knowledge for the next time you want

- It seemed right to him and he agreed.

- But to get started: you need tools and TIME and the design, Broken dinner plates, tile, a broad, adhesive, grout, tile nippers, a mixing bowl , towels, sponges, plastic table cover etc...

- But I don't have all these equipment and I can't buy all of these for one job.

- Well then for another $225 more I'll rent my stuff to you so you can do it.

- Okay, he says.

- Okay! Tuesday I'm waiting for you to start doing this work

- But I can't on Tuesday I only have time today.

- I'm sorry, but I'm only available Tuesday to teach you and lend you my stuff. Other days are busy with other customers.

- Okay! That means I'm going to have to sacrifice my Tuesday, give up my tasks.

- I forgot. To do your job yourself, you also have to pay for the nonproductive factors.

- That is? What is this?"

- Bureaucratic, tax, vat, security, insurance, fuel etc.

- Oh no!... But to accomplish these tasks, I'm going to spend more money and waste a lot of time!

- Do you have them? You can do it to me before?"

- Okay!

- I'll make you all the material you need. Truck loading is done Monday evening or Tuesday morning you'll have to come by 6 loading the truck. Don't forget to be on time to avoid traffic jams and be on time

- At 6??? Nope! Too early for me! I used to getting up later.

...

- You know, I've been thinking. Y ' all better get the job done. I'd rather pay you the $800. 

If I had to, it wouldn't be perfect and it would cost me a lot more.

 

When you pay for a job, especially handcrafted, you pay not only for the material used, but also:

- Knowledge

- Experience

- Study

- Tools

- Services

- Time to go

- punctuality

- Accountability

- Professionalism

- Accuracy

- Guaranteed

- Patents

- Sacrifices

- Safety and security

- Payment of tax obligations

 

No one can denigrate other people's work by judging prices.

Only by knowing all the elements necessary for the production of a certain work can you estimate the actual cost.

 

Don't forget to account for your materials: tile, adhesive, grout, sponges/rags, wear and tear on your nippers, grinder, mixer etc.  All the stuff that you bought to be able to create should be considered/prorated.  You can either charge by the hour or square foot, but be sure to consider the intricacy of the design as more/smaller tessera will take longer to design and assemble that larger ones.  If you are cutting up dishes, you may spend significant time cutting, nipping and grinding to get the perfect piece, which takes longer 

than just laying out standard, ready-made tiles and trimming a few.

 

 

 

 

 

Having a rough Day

 None of us are strangers to the “rough day.” Sometimes it happens because everything’s going okay but we’re not feeling well, mentally or physically. Sometimes it happens because nothing is going okay. And sometimes it happens because nothing is going okay and we don’t feel well, physically or mentally.

Recently, I had one of those nothing’s-going-okay-and-I-don’t-feel-well days.

I woke up feeling awful because I’d had trouble sleeping  the night before—a not uncommon occurrence due to my ongoing insomnia and and other issues . I started stumbling gathering my items to go finish a project, dropping this and that! Got everything I needed and then I had to put gas, could not find my debit card snd  only had $10. I started to put the wrong gas into my suv quickly changed it to premium gas! Arrived at the place to finish my project I added to much water to the  package  of grout I packed only to find I left the big bag of grout at home, then the paint was open. Could not to anything right this morning .

I found myself getting increasingly cranky. Let’s just say there was a lot of grumbling and complaining going on in my mind.

I packed up and came home!!!! I figured a wasted day 

It came to me why? It’s the time if the year that my brother Dennis Nov 22 my grandson Miguel Nov  24 passed away  

My frame of mind had me taking an already rough day and then making it worse by turning myself into a victim as if the world was against me 

First thing I thought “Be nice to yourself.”

Second, re-prioritize your day.

I’m putting  aside anything that isn’t essential to my health and safety. A lot of people don't realize this is an option.

I’m always thinking I had to do every single thing I’d planned to do on a particular day. Most of us are conditioned to always be productive and take care of business immediately, but sometimes it's better to put things aside for another day. 

So, re-prioritizing can be a crucial step in being nice to yourself.

so I’m going to treat  myself a great dinner and then lay down on the bed for a while and do nothing but listen to my music while looking at a new mosaic book I have. 

My wish for all of you is that right now, no matter what kind of day you're having, you begin to treat yourself as kindly as you treat the people you love the most in your life.

This is my dad 

Cruz Gonzalez Jr.

My dad taught me that, in many ways, failure was a mindset. I came to learn that no matter the obstacle or the critics in my way, If I set my mind to it, I could do it. Being a woman or being of a certain social class or being any classification at all was never deemed as a valid reason to back down from my goals. My dad taught me to ignore ceilings and strive for my personal version of accomplishment as he did. 

My dad told me one day he said no one has true friends; you are your only friend.

Now, though, I can appreciate how his words shaped me throughout my life. He taught me early in life to depend on myself for my own happiness and not to look to anyone to tell me what I could or couldn’t be. It is because of him I became a confident, sometimes stubborn woman who doesn’t back down from her version of happiness. It is because of him I simply don’t see limitation

In addition, I, in all honesty, have had a pretty smooth path growing up.

Nonetheless, I am thankful my dad is the dad he was.

Mayan Mosaic Art 

• MAYAN MOSAIC ART 

Mayan is one of the few civilizations that is symbolized by its artists, artworks and unique designs. It has been called the richest of the New World due to the great complexity of its patterns and various art mediums. The Mayans are influenced by conscience and spirituality and have their own special worship for colors.  Many of their designs and figures were made into mosaic artworks.

Here’s my version 

For Sale